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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311021">Haunted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witty_Clever_Username/pseuds/Witty_Clever_Username'>Witty_Clever_Username</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Baby Harry Potter, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pre-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sort Of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:40:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witty_Clever_Username/pseuds/Witty_Clever_Username</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After years alone and tortured for information Sirius couldn’t give, all of that was gone and he’d been left only with the feeling of being haunted. Nights like this fought with his very grasp of sanity, Nights where the full moon rose ever so slowly into the sky.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Haunted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he was first carted off to Azkaban Sirius was blood thirsty, enraged and utterly betrayed. No trial, nothing, just the assumption that he’d done something so vulgar and evil. Everyone believed it, believed he’d murdered his own brother. It was one thing to say he’d made mistakes in the past that caused them to believe this, hell maybe that’s why Moony had, but for everyone else it was simply one thing.</p><p>When the tables were turned it suddenly no longer mattered what deeds he’d done. His whole life he’d been punished for these deeds, made an outcast from the very reason they’d now assumed he’d turned his back on the only people who’d truly loved him. For years he’d been beaten, tortured and shunned, all in a desperate attempt to be something more, someone different. It made no difference, because in the end he couldn’t change the way they saw him, in the end he was still just a Black.</p><p>Now, years alone and tortured for information he couldn’t give, all of that was gone and he’d been left only with the feeling of being haunted. Nights like this fought with his very grasp of sanity, Nights where the full moon rose ever so slowly into the sky.</p><p>Howls rung through his ears, haunting him with memories he’d otherwise dare not think. On nights such as this they could not be locked away in those deep pits of his mind. </p><p>It was best if he could just imagine the lies they’d told him were facts, it was best if he could picture Peter dead by his own hand. Prison was a place they mind could completely slip into madness, crafting truths which otherwise could not have been fathomed, truths the world had been lead to believe. He could believe it too if he tried hard enough to slip from reality. Until that is the moon rose and what was true became impossible to alter.</p><p>He’d watch through his bars, listen for that first howl. Then suddenly a boy would turn to him with a ‘is it time Padfoot?’ and he’d nod to the boy. Rats constantly scurried in and out of his cage, typically he’d try to kill them, throwing rocks at their filthy bodies, but on nights like this he watched them. </p><p>His cage fades from his mind and he could have sworn one of those rats is running towards a tree. That rat is a brother now, he recognizes it, it feels like family.  That fucking rat shouldn’t feel like family, yet still it does.</p><p>Sometimes the rat will turn back into a boy, so vividly he’s not sure what is reality. The boy is family, found family, only the boy has a grin so misplaced on family’s face. So cruel and dark that it’d ought to belong on the face of his blood line, not his found family. Blood itself seems to pour from the boy, only the boy isn’t in danger.</p><p>“Peter!” He screams to the bloody boy, it’s all his addled brain can manage, that and a desperately repeated cry of “why?”.</p><p>There’s a deer on nights like this, a deer with a rat feasting on it’s corpse. The deer shouldn’t even fit in his cell, yet somehow it’s eyes a shade of deathly grey stare up at him. The deer is dead, the deer is dead. Yet the deer moves, it’s bones half exposed, flesh hanging in pieces from them.</p><p>“Why Padfoot? Why didn’t you save us? Why weren’t you there for us? It was supposed to be you!” The deer screams to him as it morphs in front of him, only the man who should replace the deer is wrong, the flesh doesn’t stitch together right, the eyes remain that shade of grey and a rat squirms and wriggles inside the open hole on the mans stomach.</p><p>He failed this man, failed him in the deepest way possible, he could have saved him, should have saved him. His brother, the one person who only ever saw the good in him, believed in him with everything he had. Now he was a rotting corpse in front of him, he should have been there. That’s why James looks like this now, because he should have been there.</p><p>James moves towards in, a grotesque sight but one he dares not look away from, he owns him this. He can feel something placed in his arms, the half corpse, half James is placing a bundle of something so carefully into his arms.</p><p>The bundle wiggles and gasps deep breaths form what lies inside. He tries to rip the blankets off of the bundle, it can’t breath! It’s choking, Merlin it can’t breath! He keeps pulling blankets off, yet still more seem to cover the mouth of the baby he knows is underneath.</p><p>“You promised! You told me you’d keep him safe!” He’s frantic, trying so desperately to clear the baby’s air way, but still he knows that voice isn’t James now. Small hands rip the blankets off of the baby and a deep breath can be hear from the child before all goes silent.</p><p>“I tried Lily! I tried!” He yells through the tears streaming down his face. Harry isn’t breathing though, he was too late, the baby is dead. He looks up at Lily and she’s beautiful as ever, though her face is filled with an overwhelming grief.<br/>
Lily looks at him with such disgust, but she says no more. He watches in horror as she kisses the baby’s forehead, it’s a magic he’s never seen before as he watches her. Her flesh turns grey as she holds the kiss, body shrivelling up to nothing but bones, bones disintegrate in front of his eyes, until Lily is ash blowing away out of the window of his cage. </p><p>A shrill wail fills the air until he knows just what she’s done. The baby cries and shakes on the floor, breaths now entering it’s lungs. He tries so hard to make it to the baby, so damn hard, but something distracts him, a rat. The rat is going to harm the baby, he knows it. He chases the rat, only for it to scurry into a hole in the wall. When he turns back towards the baby, the child is no longer there. He’s failed again.</p><p>It feels like it’s done, all has been lost. The moon is setting and maybe once more he can return to his madness, un-haunted. Only there’s a whimper, somewhere he can’t tell where. No, the moon is setting, and the whimper is now a cry.</p><p>Moony. Where is he? Why can’t he see him? He needs to see Moony, he can hear his pain, he can smell the blood from the wolf tearing apart it’s flesh. Where the hell is Moony?</p><p>“You said you’d always be there” Remus’ voice echoes off the stone walls. He still can’t find him, he needs to find him, he’s hurt! He couldn’t save them, but he can damn well safe Remus!</p><p>“You said you loved me! Remember Padfoot?” Moony’s voice is not angry, but broken and lost. He needs to hold him, tell him just how much he meant it, but he can’t find him anywhere.</p><p>“Remember how you told me I wasn’t a monster? Remember Sirius? Remember how you said that, then called me a traitor?!” He can hear the blood gurgling in Remus’ scream, it must have been a bad moon.  Of course it was a bad moon, he was alone. He knows now why he can’t see him, he doesn’t deserve to see him. The love of his life, he treated him like a dark creature, as he promised he never would.</p><p>“It hurts Padfoot! It hurts so much! Where were you? I’m a monster Pads, I told you, I’m a monster! You lied, you said I wasn’t!” It’s too much, he can’t see Moony but the pain in his voice is too much, the sun has set and he should be patching him up. Moony could bleed out if he doesn’t find him.</p><p>“I’m coming Moony” He tells the air in his cell one last time before he is no longer in human form. It’s a transfiguration he hasn’t done in years, still it’s simple, second nature. This is it, the last time he’s going to have a night like this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wellll... this is sort of a companion piece to my story Echoes.<br/>Here's my <a href="https://writing-wrongs-and-singing-songs.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> should anyone want it :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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